Ever wondered why magazines are so obsessed with gift guides? “Well it’s because we get so much free shit for including their overpriced products in our shitty, dare I say, articles. There are gifts to be purchased and my journalist salary isn’t going to purchase them. I send PR folks a wish list of everything I want but can’t afford in exchange of the possibility that I might mention their client’s products in my next shitty shopping guide nobody really asks for but somehow gets published because we need content” explains our shopping editor. So sit back and get some shopping inspo from our latest gift guide she wanted to name, “The Valentine’s Day Gift Guide I Managed to Put Together Before The Deadline.”
The Wine Guru
Who doesn’t love a fella with a fine taste in wine? He is the dude who swirls his glass and points out the “legs” to whoever is near and willing to listen. Everyone has been enjoying his wine and cheese nights too much to question the hostess with the mostest, but you know something is up with this dude. His love for wine is …different than your mom’s obsession with Chardonnay. The way he frantically consumes an imported bottle from South Africa in less than 15 minutes, how you kindly have to remind him who his own friends are- he has a drinking problem.
Instead of fueling the fire by getting him yet another wine glass this year, maybe you can give him something helpful to kick start a less harmful addiction like this coffee maker.
The Adult Disney Fan You Are Fucking For Some Reason
We all love that one person who managed to keep that childhood wonder. The one enjoys the same simple pleasures in life as your 6-year-old niece, the one who saw all the live action Disney movies neither you nor the Disney executives knew were out yet; the one who never left Neverland if you will.
Yes, it was kinda cute during the honeymoon stage, but this person is a full-grown adult and you are pretty sure they crossed the fine line between quirky and pathetic when you heard them complain about not being able to access their Disney + account. So, this Valentine’s Day, why don’t you freak them out by reminding them even Walt Disney himself cared about international affairs by framing Der Fuehrer's Face in Ralph Lauren .
*Picture- You are going to have to print that out yourself.
The Promoter
This metaphorical pill case, enough said. Don’t waste your money on him, you guys are looking at approximately 4 more months left of booty calls either way.
The Serious Boyfriend
He works in finance, takes you to his parent’s beach house at The Hamptons in the summer, doesn’t hold himself back from dropping the N word while singing along at the bar, has strong opinions on the homeless and you guys met at Equinox. Your best friends hate him, and your parents love him. He is perfect. His style doesn’t have to match with his personality, so help him spice up that Patagonia and North Face attire with this nail polish so he can hop on the latest trend and look like one of those cool kids on Tik Tok.
The Co-worker you spoke to once
You need a favor from this person and Valentine’s Day is the perfect opportunity to get on their good side given that you only spoke to them once since you started working at the company. The conversation took place in the kitchen and lasted for about four minutes and fifteen seconds. Resulting from this short-lived interaction, you know that they had a wonderful weekend exactly six months ago and their kid had lice at the time. So how about this vegan, gluten-free, cruelty free, non-gmo mayo made from natural ingredients in case it comes back?
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