This is your guide to packing and saying all the right things to convince everyone back home you are “that b*tch” who now lives in the city. Why not play into that unrealistic image they painted out for you based on some rom-coms they watched? They don’t need to know that your mental health is on some f*ck shit and they sure won’t be able to tell when you are out there rocking Off-Whites looking like the shit. Besides, if every inch of your deeply lonely soul isn’t feening to flex so hard on these people who are completely content with their lives, what has this been all about?
Show that middle aged neighbor how cool you are by dropping some names you know she won’t recognize. And some she will just for context.
Your mom’s best friend’s daughter just got engaged and is here with her surprisingly decent looking fiancé. That’s cool, but did she fuck a producer who once worked with Drake in 2015? Didn’t think so.
Uh oh, is someone playing the latest hits? Hurry yourself to their corner and casually mention you party at the same clubs with the artist.
Below, we put together an editor-approved list of outfits that will, undoubtedly, wow everyone at your suburban holiday party.
Off-White Swiss Cheese Tank Top, $500
Gucci Leather Jogging Pant with Web, $3,500
Balenciaga BB Gloves, $895
Maison Margiela Tabi sequin boots, $555
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